- In a one-sided relationship, one partner is consistently putting more effort into the relationship.
- There may be an unequal balance with sharing chores, making emotional effort, and more.
- Sometimes it's okay to have a temporary one-sided relationship, but it can be toxic in the long-term.
Relationships aren't always well-balanced — if you find yourself putting in more time, support, or emotions than your partner, you might be in a one-sided relationship.
This kind of relationship isn't always a bad thing when it's temporary — there are some situations where one partner may need to step back for a bit, like if they're launching a new business or experiencing grief after losing someone close to them.
But if this goes on too long, or if you're unhappy in the relationship, the best option is to first talk about it and then if nothing changes, you may want to end the relationship.
Here's how you can tell if you're in a one-sided relationship and whether you should end it.
What is a one-sided relationship?
"Relationships should be mutually rewarding," where partners invest a similar amount of effort, says Kelifern Pomeranz, a psychologist and relationship expert.
But in a one-sided relationship, you may put in more effort than your partner (or vice versa) in key areas like:
- Making plans
- Giving emotional support
- Communicating important ideas
- Giving physical affection
- Doing helpful tasks
- Expressing love
The important thing to note here is that one-sided relationships don't always start out that way.
"What can start as a partnership of equal investment and commitment can shift to an imbalanced relationship," says Theresa DiDonato, a social psychologist who studies relationships.
Your attachment style, which dictates how you relate to the people in your life, can also affect the balance of your relationships.
- If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may be more likely to avoid closeness, communication, and vulnerability — this can lead to you being less invested in the relationship than your partner is.
- If you have an anxious attachment style, you may feel more dependent on your partner and you may invest more emotionally in your relationship than your partner does.
- If you and your partner both have secure attachment styles, you'll be more comfortable communicating and showing affection, which can help foster a more balanced relationship.
If this goes on for too long, it can make you feel unloved or unsatisfied in the relationship and question whether it's worth continuing.
How to tell if you're in a one-sided relationship
If you think you may have a one-sided dynamic with your partner, there are a few key signs you can look out for.
1. You're always the one making compromises or sacrifices
All relationships require compromise — you and your partner may often disagree about choices like where to go out, what to eat, or what you want to spend money on.
But if your partner nearly always gets their way, this may be a sign that your relationship is one-sided.
2. You're always the one doing work to maintain your relationship
It takes effort to keep a relationship healthy, so it's a sign of one-sidedness if you are always the one to:
- Contact the other person
- Suggest ways to spend time together
- Accommodate the other person's schedule
- Communicate your feelings
"You may find that you are also the only one who brings up problems in the relationship and when you do, the other individual shows a lack of investment in making things better," Pomeranz says.
3. You don't feel good about yourself when you spend time with the other person
In one-sided relationships, you may not be sure how your partner feels about you or the relationship as a whole, Pomeranz says. You might find yourself doubting whether you are likable, worthy, or attractive enough.
"In a healthy relationship, you always know where you stand," Pomeranz says.
4. You're always the one apologizing when things go wrong
It's a warning sign if your partner won't acknowledge how you both might have been at fault in a situation.
And you may often find yourself taking the bulk of the responsibility for arguments.
5. They aren't there for you when you need them
It's important to be able to count on your partner for support. It's a bad sign if you can't trust your partner to do things like:
- Comfort you when something bad happens in your life
- Give you a ride or pick you up in an emergency
- Take care of you when you're sick
- Be a listening ear or give advice when you need it
"Even though you would willingly drop anything in a heartbeat to show up for them in a time of need, this is not reciprocated," Pomeranz says.
6. You hide the relationship from others
"Friends and family are usually good barometers for how healthy a relationship is," Pomeranz says. If you find yourself hiding your relationship or lying about your partner's behavior to your loved ones, this might be a sign that it's one-sided.
What to do if you're in a one-sided relationship
There are a few key considerations you should make if you're deciding whether to stay or end a one-sided relationship.
When it's okay
"Asymmetry in relationships does not necessarily signal a problem," DiDonato says. In some cases, it can be a temporary solution to cope with a stressor.
Your partner might temporarily lean out of the relationship if they're dealing with a difficult situation like:
- Caring for a sick family member
- Going through a period where work is especially demanding
- Preparing for a major upcoming goal, like starting a new business
"In this case, the one-sidedness is a sacrifice and the partners return to a more balanced relationship after the crisis ends, work stress declines, or the goal is met," DiDonato says.
It's not always easy to find a compromise, so you can also try talking to a relationship therapist to help you have a productive conversation.
When you should consider breaking up
If you try to communicate that you're giving more than you're getting and "the other person becomes overly defensive, blaming, or begins gaslighting you, these are clear signs that things aren't likely to change and will remain imbalanced," Pomeranz says.
In that case, it may be a sign that you and your partner aren't a good match and are better off apart.
It's also a warning sign if your partner:
- Says or implies that you are more in love with them than they are with you
- Refuses to communicate
- Is demeaning to you or abusive in any way
How to fix a one-sided relationship
If you want to fix a one-sided relationship, it is important to have an open, honest conversation with your partner. It may help to share "what the relationship has felt like to you, how you would like the relationship to be different," Pomeranz says.
In some cases, your partner may not realize how one-sided the relationship has become. "Partners don't always know what each other is doing to support their relationship: a conversation could be quite revealing," DiDonato says.
"Communicating with your partner about your expectations and observations could be a step towards addressing one-sidedness," DiDonato says.
If you have a hard time talking to your partner about these issues, you can also try couples therapy to have someone else help you facilitate these important conversations.
Insider's takeaway
"While all relationships are difficult at times, it is important to feel an overall sense of balance and mutual respect," Pomeranz says.
If you notice that you're putting more work into the relationship, you make more sacrifices, or you don't feel loved by your partner, this may be a sign that the relationship is one-sided.
You may be able to fix a one-sided relationship through communication or therapy, but "if the other person is not invested in working to make things better, that tells you all that you need to know," Pomeranz says.
Madeline Kennedy Madeline Kennedy is a health writer for Insider covering a wide range of topics including reproductive and sexual health, mental health, nutrition, and infectious disease. Before joining Insider, Madeline worked as a health news writer for Reuters, and a domestic violence therapist. She has a master's degree in social work from UPenn and is interested in the intersection of health and social justice. Read more Read lessncG1vNJzZmivp6x7o8HSoqWeq6Oeu7S1w56pZ5ufonyowcidnKxnmJqurcDHaKqesF2nsq2t06Kmp6uYnr20e86nnGarmZmypXnRnqOarJmku7S0yKk%3D